Wedding Weirdness

Another post found in the "drafts" section that I just had to post. This was originally written in August 2012. I'd almost forgotten about this event - but reading this recounting brings it all back to me. Vividly, and deliciously . . . bon appetit! Sidebar - how are so many of my old posts just set to draft? But also . . . there's a comment from my brother.  I clearly had no idea what I was doing back then. But don't worry - I'll keep posting the gems. It just means this blog is a true reflection of my life - zero continuity!

FRenchMexI've been to several weddings - most of the really awesome. You could absolutely feel the personality of the bride and groom at a couple of them. One of the more memorable weddings was in Portland, OR, for one of my college roommates. She was married in a Japanese Garden by a friend of hers who became ordained online and if memory serves, she wore some shade of red. She glowed and her vows were perfectly representative.

Another, recent wedding, was also very memorable because, once again, the ceremony, reception and after party were exactly what I would have expected from my friend Susan. The entire affair was very organized and picture perfect, but wasn't in any way pretentious or contrived. I felt genuine love and warmth surrounding Susan and her husband while we were with them.

Last night - whole 'nother story. Brian works in a science lab at a large university. One of the PhD candidates who comes to their lab to collaborate on some projects is actually a student at McMaster University near Toronto, Ontario. We were invited to attend this fella's wedding over the weekend. We were excited about an evening without Bennett to eat good food, enjoy some good music and maybe even dance a little. The idea of an open bar wasn't so shabby either!

We weren't able to make it to the ceremony, but were right on time for the reception, which was held at the Mississauga Convention Center. (Sidebar - there were FOUR receptions happening simultaneously and you wouldn't have known it without venturing into the hall and seeing four different decor themes.) We met another student from Brian's lab and his date in the cocktail venue and commenced to chatting. About an hour and a half later, the bride and groom set up a receiving line with their parents (I'd never seen a receiving line at the beginning of a reception, I thought they occurred at the end of the ceremony as guests were leaving - but what do I know?) outside the entrance to the ballroom. We spoke pleasantly with the parents of the groom and then the parents of the bride who were so happy that we had joined them, despite the fact that they had NO idea who we were! Then it was time to shake hands with and exchange some good wishes with the happy couple.

Bride was quite honestly shooting daggers out her eyes at us. As if we were wedding crashers and how DARE we show up at her event??? Her husband introduced us and reminded her that we'd met at a lab Christmas party a year ago. Her response was a very curt, "briefly". I was totally taken aback. Seriously - what do you expect when you invite THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY people to your wedding. That's right, one, two, THREE HUNDRED EIGHTY!!!!. Holy shitballs. That is a lot of people. Don't worry - the weird part is coming.

We went in to the ballroom, but were stopped by a man in a suit who wanted to know if we knew where we were sitting. In my head, I replied, "Hopefully in a chair." But I decided to keep my mouth shut and let him check his "chart" to see where we were. I'm surprised there were no place cards since this was such a hoity toity affair. But again, what do I know? We were at Table 14 with the lab mates and some other science-y people that Brian knew vaguely. There were four other people at our table, but the music and DJ Jazzy Jazz were too loud to really speak to them. Plus, two of the ladies were fasting, so weren't able to sit at the table until sundown. See - the weird is starting . . . this bride didn't take her guests needs into consideration. But why would you and how could you with that many of said guests?

It got really weird when the food started. Let me back up a bit. We received the invitation a couple of months ago. Groom brought it to the lab when he came down to work one week. It was a lovely navy invitation, but I was immediately struck that there was no response card - just four phone numbers to call or text your RSVP too. Sure, that's very 'now' but not so formal. Also - there was no way to indicate what kind of food the guests would have chosen. I immediately figured that this meant there would be a dinner buffet. No problem with that - I've been to several weddings that fed their guests this way. It's an excellent way to satisfy many different palates. Also, I had no idea how many people would be attending. I was wrong.

When we sat down - we saw an oppulently set table: three forks, two knives, three spoons (two above, one to the right of the plate), three glasses (water, wine and champagne), a bread plate and three other plates stacked one on top of the other. Plus - there was a coffee cup and saucer for each setting. It was quite a squeeze to seat ten people and I'm terribly surprised that the tables didn't collapse under the weight! Anyway - clearly, this was not a buffet dinner.

Shortly before we were seated for dinner, the groom made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for joining us. We just wanted to alert you to the fact that at 11:00pm there will be a seafood buffet and a Sweets Bar. So don't worry, this isn't the only food." What the? Were they only teasing us with all these plates and cutlery? I was so confused, I asked Brian to get me a drink. He was more than happy to oblige once he learned the bar was making Caesars!

First course: seafood bisque served over a puff pastry. A dinner sized portion for me. I ate two-thirds of this delicious treat! The server asked if we wanted seconds and I politely declined, figuring there would be at least one more course.
Second course: cream of asparagus soup. A BOWL, not a cup. Again - ate most of it because a) it was very yummy and 2) asparagus is my favorite vegetable. I could have eaten the second bowl I was offered, but again, declined with my manners still in tact.
Third course: fried fish (about 8 oz), dirty rice with olives and capers and a large salad for the table to share. I ate every bite thinking that this was the meat and I should fill up. Really? You're offering me seconds?? No thanks. I'm saving room for that delicious looking wedding cake I see over there. And also, someone mentioned a seafood buffet and sweets bar - I'm saving room in my appendix.
Fourth course: I thought maybe a palate cleanser to prep for the cake. Nopes! Filet Mignon (6oz?) AND Chicken a la something or other. Holy Mother of Gluttony! I didn't even know how to decline the course at all, even though I only ate one tiny little sliver of chicken trying to be polite. I was about to bust out of my dress but was still holding out for wedding cake. There's always room for wedding cake.

After this course, all the plates and most of the cutlery were gone. Thank the heavens above. I thought we'd get a little dancing in before enjoying the CAKE. And sweets bar. And seafood buffet - yum! Wrong.

Fifth course: (you've got to be kidding me) was DESSERT! I don't know for sure, but it tasted like Tiramisu flavored mousse on top of a very dense cookie cake. At least the size of my fist. I ate every last bit of it. Don't ask me why or how, but I did.

Fifteen minutes and six lousy toasts later, the bride and groom danced their first dance (horrible) and we high tailed it outta there. I didn't get cake or sweets bar. But honestly, I was going to fall asleep at the table if we didn't leave. I haven't felt a food coma like that coming on in I don't even know how long.

(Also - there were more weird parts, but the food was by far the weirdest.)

Note to future brides - don't try to one-up your girlfriends when it comes to food. No one person needs to eat that much.

** The lab mate's date declined the filet for course four and the server tried to replace it with a SECOND chicken breast. Also - I thought for a brief minute that maybe the bride and groom were trying to honor their cultures and that was why they didn't provide a menu - they would surprise us with yummy Polish and Vietnamese treasures. Wouldn't that have been fun and tasty? Yes. But no - they did not and that disappointed me.